Look on the bright side
March 16, 2016
By: Dawn Springgate
Email: sprindm@dshs.wa.gov
Have I made mistakes in my life? Of course! I am not perfect by any means (but don’t share this confession with my husband!)
Do I regret any of my mistakes? Not in the least!
Mistakes are learning experiences. Just like my successes, my mistakes have molded me into the person I am today.
Did I struggle to learn from some of my mistakes? Yea, I’m only human.
What’s helped me through my mistakes and struggles? Being OPTIMISTIC! Knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel even though I was so far away I couldn’t see it.
For some, being optimistic comes naturally. For others it’s something that needs to be practiced daily. And, like with most things, there is always a range in between.
Being optimistic doesn’t mean you should only focus on positive feelings. There are plenty of times when feeling sad, angry, depressed, overwhelmed, stressed, and scared are appropriate. If a spouse passes away, you will go through a grieving process. Or, if something happens causing you to change a future life plan you were looking forward to, it’s acceptable to have some anger or resentment.
BUT, you want to make sure that you don’t stay in those feelings for so long that they become debilitating.
Many of us, whether we know it or not, are in caregiving roles – formal or informal. Caregiving can be very stressful especially when trying to help someone that is very resistive, manipulative, or the person’s mental capacity has diminished. It is quite easy to get caught up in the negative emotions and situations.
So, being aware of your feelings and emotions and knowing when you are slipping to far away from the positive side of the spectrum is very important.
If you are the pessimist, the grumpy grouch, cynic or defeatist why should you want to change your ways?
People who are pessimistic tend to have an unhealthy preoccupation with the negative and let those feelings escalate until they feel completely helpless and trapped. Well, if you like feeling that way then go for it.
If you don’t then there are things you can do to become more optimistic.
So what does an optimist look like?
They give back by volunteering and donating of their time and knowledge. They do this because they have hope and want to make the community better. Doing something for others that makes them and you feel good.
Optimists are also grateful. Gratefulness can be hard to feel when problems are constantly being thrown at you. Each day write down a few good things that happened that day, anything from “I got to enjoy some sunshine” to “Mom remembered my name today” or “I got to spend quality time with my kids”. Give yourself praise for what you were able to accomplish each day. Making this a habit will make it easier to appreciate the positive parts of life.
Optimists are part of a group with shared interests or situations. Caregiving can be an isolating situation, even for those with superior social skills. With so much of your time having to focus on the care it is easy to forget about your needs. It’s important to stay connected with your friends and family and let them know when you need help. Also get connected with other caregivers who really understand what you’re going through. Get involved in clubs and social activities.
Optimists are forgiving. This doesn’t mean you need to forget how the person hurt you but means that you are not letting the past hold you back. I live by a saying I heard once that struck an accord with me; “Forgiveness is letting go of all hope for a better past.” Optimists are also good at forgiving themselves, understanding that they are not perfect. They learn positives from mistakes.
Optimists are also flexible. They are able to adapt and not get totally frazzled when things don’t go as planned. They are able to problem solve and give themselves options.
I could go on and on with more qualities of optimists but I think you get the gist (plus I have a word limit!)
Work a little each day to see the positives that are happening in your life. It may be difficult at first but with practice it will become easier. You will be amazed how much more uplifted you will feel and more confident to tackle problems.
Unfortunately, some days are simply going to be difficult. But even with the darkest of days there is always some little ray of light trying to get in. It’s up to you to reach for it and fill yourself with positivity.
Never give up looking on the bright side!
Olympic Area Agency on Aging offices/Information & Assistance: Forks 360-374-9496, Port Townsend 360-385-2552, and Sequim 360-452-3221. Email:sprindm@dshs.wa.gov or visit us online at www.o3a.org, www.twitter.com/olympic3a, www.pinterest.com/Olympic3A or on Facebook: Olympic Area Agency on Aging-Information and Assistance